Turn Out Like Him

One morning I woke up to screaming. I ran upstairs. Our house was mostly empty from the move. Little did I know it had just gotten emptier. 

I'll never forget my moms face that morning. It's impossible to forget. I didn't even have to ask what happened because I'd never seen anyone make that face before. I'd never seen someone's face look that broke. It was obvious what happened. That face. 

That morning changed everything. He changed everything. So you know wanna know what I'm scared of? I'm scared of everything. He made me scared of everything. 

I'm scared that I'll be this sad forever. 

I'm scared that I'll have to listen to my sister cry in her sleep forever. 

I'm scared that my mom will never go back to normal. 

I'm scared that all my friends wish I was dead.

I'm scared no one will ever want to marry me because I'm too broken. 

I'm scared that the doctor won't give me anymore of the drugs I'm addicted too, I'm scared that my mom will get remarried and that she won't, I'm scared I'll never believe in God again, I'm my kids won't love me, I'm scared I'll have these night mares forever I'm scared I won't graduate, I'm scared one day getting out of bed will be impossible. 

But most of all I'm scared I'll turn out like him. 

I'm scared one day my sister will wake up to screams and run up stairs and see my mom face and know what happened without even asking. 

Not because she's never seen that face before....

But because she has.