Happy Birthday Mom

My heart aches. All the time it does. It has ever since that day. 

But some days it does more than others. 

Like today. My moms birthday. 

All the days that used to be happy are sad now. 

How do three teenage girls live up to the birthdays her husband used to give her?

She doesn't expect anything from us but still we try to give her everything. 

Because she is our everything. 

We want her to be happy more than I ever thought we could. 

So we try. 

We put all our money into trying to get good presents and make dinner and try to make it special. 

But still it's not the same. 

We can see the gaping hole of his absence in everything but especially her birthday. 

I can feel his absence in the gaping whole in my heart. 

It's supposed to be a great day but it just hurts now because all I can see is the greatness it used to be. 

It kills my sisters too. My sister cries about how she knows my mom will never be as happy. 

Tonight after presents and cake we all were walking to our beds and my sister said to my mom "I hope you have a great 42nd year"

And my mom said the words we were all thinking.

"It can't get any worse"

It can't get any worse. 

I think that's the moment when my heart broke. 

Happy birthday mom.