That's what happens when you go through something like that.
And I mean something truly awful that people don't even like to say out loud.
Suddenly everyone wants to know what you've learned. How you go on.
In church when we talk about trials they ask me to share.
They can't ask anyone else talk about trials when I'm in the room I guess.
What I want to tell them is that I learned how to take a shower when your heart hurts so much you can barely stand.
I learned how to make it through an hour long class period and wait to cry until I could hide in the bathroom between classes.
I learned how to wear baggy clothes to hide the ten pounds I lost from pure sadness.
I learned how to spend the entire night throwing up and screaming from my night mares and then get up the next morning at 6:30 because somehow I'm still expected to come to school.
I learned how to avoid eye contact with anyone and everyone so no one would talk to me because I was scared of what would come out of my mouth.
I learned how to sleep as much as possible during the day because the monsters inside me where twice as loud at night.
But the thing I learned the most?
I learned that as impossibly hard as you imagine it to be...
It's harder.
This entire post is so raw and brave and honest. It's written so well, and everything you said has had a huge impact on me
ReplyDeleteThis is so accurate... I've gone through all of this, I'm right there with you. This post is so brave, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI learned how to sleep as much as possible during the day because the monsters inside me where twice as loud at night.
ReplyDeleteTHAT HITS
I want to say I don't like this post because I don't like sad and heartbreaking things but I can't not like it because I feel this all
ReplyDelete"But the thing I learned the most?
ReplyDeleteI learned that as impossibly hard as you imagine it to be...
It's harder"
this is raw and real and whoa