Sunday, February 7, 2016

Drunk

I saw and knew a lot of those things in those moments. 
The ones where the outsides to blurry so all you see is what's in your head. 
I saw boys. Lots of them. Somehow they always ended up on top of me. 
I saw things dimmed down. Light things seemed dark and dark things seemed darker. 
I saw the ceiling and the floor and I'm not sure which one I was on. 
I saw the puke and the red and the toilet and my hair. 
I thought about how low I could get. The lowest times of my life. 
I thought about how many times I'd been on the bathroom floor. And how many times I'd be back. 
I thought about graves and bullets through the head and moms with cancer. 
I thought about the pills and the doctors and how it's never enough. 
I thought about the loneliness and the guilt and regret. The pain and the embarrassment and how this is all I'll ever be. 
But you wanna know the last thing I thought about, right before I close my eyes? 
You. 

7 comments:

  1. This is so good! You are such a great writer! Not only did I feel like I could see it, I really felt it. I've been there, right there before. This post it me

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  2. You always end your posts with a sentence that gives me chills

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  3. the line about how boys always ended up on top of you made me stop & think really hard about my life

    & i think that's the best kind of writing.

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  4. the line regarding the floor and the ceiling is brilliant

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  5. Your perspective memory of a reality that ceased to fully connect, tied back to the reality of true existence. I'm not one to say intaking substances are bad for you, but I am one to say that the journey and meaning of the intake it's something that can be never of too much value to a person. Great post.

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  6. "I saw the ceiling and the floor and I'm not sure which one I was on."
    #stolen

    Also, this makes me think of a song by Tove Lo (is that her name?) - trying to get someone off your mind. Very good.

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    Replies
    1. Habits.

      I'm going to move on to another blog now.

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